If we don't learn from our past, then what?

I think all of us of a certain age should browse through this list of movie posters from 1985 and, well, ...I don't know. I had a storm of emotions.

http://www.impawards.com/1985/standard.html

WTF!EVIL!!!!1!

Today was a really long day at work--I did a portrait of a big, black, begrilled lesbian on her girlfriend while the two of them bickered in front of me and my client kept saying how nervous she was that it wasn't going to look good enough. So you know, no pressure there. It took me forever, so by the time I started on the EvilFlameyFaceThing I was running way behind and thought I'd take the cheater's route of looking up some easy internet reference for the facial expression.

When I unwittingly stumbled upon this:




...



I found it on some dude's family reunion website! They're PROUD of this little monster! Seriously, I'm going to have to call a priest to perform an exorcism on my fucking computer screen. I CAN'T STOP LOOKING AT IT!

Kids are sort of creepy anyway. They have imaginary friends and have evil ceremonies in cornfields and see dead people and stuff. I don't want anything to do with them. Oh what, those are movies? Whatever. I hung out with a REAL one the other day and it kept slobbering and laughing and trying to break my stuff. So, you know... evil.

Shikari

so there's a road I am forced to take every morning when I drop my daughter off at preschool - everyone driving in has to share the same piece of road with the folks leaving. And normally I don't care . . . whatever, we're all jockeying for the same space, so we're all gonna have to wait at some point in time.
Today, however, there was some big fucking hold up, a hitch in the get-a-long (as they say in SD).
Some big white semi-looking truck is backing up, by which I mean remaining stationary in the middle of the road, holding up traffic going in and going out. At first I was upset. (I'm not above a little road rage in the morning)
But then I see the guy in the front, directing the truck backing up. He's got jeans and desert boots on, like your average construction "dude", but he's got some suspenders holding up his Lee jeans, and as he only weighs a buck ten, they look a little silly.
But not as silly as the pith helmet he's got on his head. That's right, a khaki, canvas-covered pith helmet. This guy doesn't give a shit if he's holding up a couple of station wagons and SUV's - he's on fucking Safari.

Curious to see if this was the fashion come-back of the year (urban sombrero anyone?) I did a little googling, and came across this guy. Creepy looking AND willing, wanting, waiting to tell you all about something you couldn't care less about. He even has business cards.

All I know is that traffic never does what I tell it to, and I have no business cards.
Perhaps my lack of pith helmet is to blame.

My latest fascination...

Fucking wine with snakes in it.



Okay, first off, don't think it's as simple as just putting a snake into a bottle of rice wine. You've got to gut the snake first (but don't forget, the heart goes back into the bottle, not in the scrap bucket).

See:


Two notes about the video:
1.) It creeped me the fuck out.
2.) I found it by typing in to google, I swear to god, "snake wine what the fuck".

Apparently this very, very manly intoxicant isn't just for looks; drinking it supposedly helps cure everything from diabetes to down syndrome (that's in addition to increasing your sexual prowess- because seriously, it wouldn't be a weird Asian custom if it didn't, now would it?).

But who cares why anyone would make it, the real question is how does it taste?

"It would best be described as a combination of Japanese Sake and cheap tequila with subtle tones of formaldehyde and fish jerky."

Another taster described it as:

"The taste was mysteriously bland, like licking envelope flaps or stamps. Oh, and the bottle I bought listed "ethanol" as its main ingredient."

Personally, I give the first description much more merit; any bottle of snake wine with a list of ingredients is definitely not the real deal. Plus the second quote came from a guy who writes for The Washington Post, and you'd have to be some kind of pussy to write for the The Washington Post.

Apparently the more poisonous the snake, the more badass the wine is (don't worry, the poison is broken down chemically by the alcohol).

Here's the best part of snake wine- you never run out; once you drink the bottle down you're supposed to just put more rice wine in and let it age a few months. BAM! More snake wine. It's like what Jesus did with the fish and the loaves of bread.

But, if you're re-using one bottle for an extended period of time, be careful. If you shake the bottle, the dead, gutless reptile you're storing in a bottle of something you plan on later drinking will shed its scales. And that would be gross.