The tools of enragement

Your favorite blargger, Oliver Babbles, says I can't call him every time I think of something I want to speak out loud. So I guess that's what this blog is for.

I already told Babbles that both possible lunger Doc Cochrane and world's best mayor E. B. Farnum appear in the first two seasons of X-Files.

But update. An episode in season 2 features "Red Right Hand" by Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds.

Also. I think I have new neighbors upstairs and they are fucking noisy.

Anyway. Call me.

Drop some cash on me

Buy me this!

I'm thinking of joining a bowling league

Yes, an intramural bowling league.

I'm thinking of signing up. Mainly so I can have tee shirts made. Of course, that's really the only reason to sign up for anything.

Anyway, I've got some potential teammates (although they don't know it yet), a team name, and a team logo.

This plan has two problems, however:

1) It goes against my nature to get involved with anything school-related

2) I rarely follow through with things. In the words of (maybe) the smartest professor I've ever had, "you're not exactly a taskmaster, are you." And no question mark because he didn't say it as a question. Or maybe I'm just too lazy to hit the shift key again. Either way.


Oh yeah, also, I suck at bowling. Three problems. But whatever.

VH1 right now

Salt N' Pepa performing "whatta man" in a church with new lyrics... lyrics that make the man in the song Jesus.

seriously.

S. O. U. S.'s

Spiders of unusual size? I didn't think they existed.

Until yesterday - fucking spiders, as big as my hand, everywhere. At my school, at Stella's school, at my house.

For the record, I can kill bugs with the best of them - I'm not too terribly squeamish about this sort of thing. I have a shoe, I have a paper towel, I have a book - it's no problem. But when the ensuing "mess" cannot be contained by the item used in the squishing process - this is problematic.

stupid temperate climate. It's fucking October: freeze already!

I have no problem pronouncing "Yevgeny Kafelnikov"

My therapist says I like to "hit and run." He thinks I prefer to know just enough about a person to be irritated with them and decide they aren't worth my time.

Obvs, this diagnosis does kind of irritate me and not just because of its spot-on accuracy. What really kind of pisses me off is that in the second season of "Sports Night" psychiatrist Abby Jacobs uses this exact phrase when dealing with cocky but lovable sports anchor Dan Rydell. And I hate Aaron Sorkin, the tender-minded hack behind "Sports Night." I hates him. A lot.

Fifty Minutes of Motherfucking

Sometimes just getting out of bed is enough to ruin your whole day. I've been trying to make one of my teachers feel that way each Wednesday. She runs a bullshit discussion group disguised as as a bullshit class.

Every week she starts class by saying "what did you find interesting in the assigned reading?" In case you're wondering, "nothing" is not the right answer; just a little FYI. When she says this the fuck-face students take it as their cue to volunteer some trite observation that doesn't actually answer the question because there's no way in hell that they actually thought anything in the reading was interesting.

But what happens when the professor runs out of asshole volunteers? She randomly picks someone- "You, what did you find interesting?" And she keeps this up until class ends. Or until that last student has finally killed him or herself.

Oh, also this is the class with the carroll county accident in it. It's a real son of a bitch.

Anyway, last week she asked me what I thought was the most interesting thing about the reading. I told her "the typo on page 67."

And I was dead serious.

Awkwardtoberfest

So to catch you up. For starters, let me just say "Oktoberfest! Woo!"

Right now, I'm still in my pajamas and watching Veronica Mars (season 1). Usher is 'tailgating' (whatever that means) with his dad and some of their cronies. And a storm of drunken idiots continues to ravage the town.

Last night, Ush and I had supper at Al's Chickenette and then watched old "Newsradio" episodes.

Forgive me if I repeat myself but "Oktoberfest!!1!"

Still Liveblogging Oktoberfest

I doubt there is anyone who reads this blog. . . . Actually I'm just going to end that thought there. I was going to write 'I doubt there is anyone who reads this blog who is not overly familiar with what a gangfuck Oktoberfest in Hays always is' but I think that first sentence captures so much of what I want to say.

For those who might not know, Oktoberfest in Hays is a citywide holiday dedicated entirely to drinking. The university cancels classes expressly to give students more drinking time. And when the university-sponsored, city-endorsed, all-day drunkfest ends Friday evening, the whole college neighborhood throws opens its doors to anyone who wants to drink in their houses and yards for the rest of the weekend. Sounds fun, but it's not. While I totally condone the sentiment, Oktoberfest is really just a good idea poorly executed.

I bet everyone reading this has already spotted the a few flaws in the plan. For starters, drunk people are no fun; they're just irritating. And Hays is a car town; you have to drive to get anywhere so that sucks. And there are the drunk people again; drunk people like to fight and I don't. And then there's the cops; cops are dicks and they're even worse on Oktoberfest.

Anyway, we're only a little ways into this 72-hour boozetoberfest so I thought I would let you who couldn't be with us know what we're up to.

Usher is playing my xbox.

I'm cleaning my apartment.

Check back for more exciting updates!

(Almost) Liveblogging Oktoberfest

Usher and I just walked down to the park. Because it is Oktoberfest. And because I thought it would be better than cleaning my apartment.

of course, the whole time I was there I just wanted to come back and clean.

It was just as awful as all of you remember (or have heard). On top of that, it's unseasonably fucking hot and I didn't even get to talk to the teacher I have a big boy crush on.

More updates to come.

FYI

the foulest substance on this earth is Gogurt.

End of story.

It's sticky, viscous, sickly sweet smelling, and while mildly annoying in your vicinity, becomes a very large problem when it slides down the outside edge of your wrist as you're driving a manual transmission down the highway at eighty five miles an hour.

and even supposing you do get it contained, that smell is gonna haunt you for the rest of the day.
*ugh*

Stop me. Because you've heard this one before.

Someone on the set decided to take a few minutes and really write some dialogue for the porn that was being shot. And they came up with this gem.

Girl: Do you know what foreplay is?

Guy: One more than three-play?




Well. At least they're trying. 'A' for effort.