Car Shopping

I've been on ebay looking for a deal on a used car (one of my head lights went out and I'd rather trade it in than fix it), and I've fallen in love. With a car. A car that's a hooker. It's just like Pretty Woman crossed with Herbie the Lovebug.

The object of my affections? A 1995 Ford Escort. What do I love about it? Well, it's not the "ice cold" air conditioning, not the a.m./f.m. cassette player, and not the douchebag-green exterior; it's the name.

Most people think that the worst name ever given to a car was the Chevy "Nova." Sounds like "supernova," bad ass, right? Yeah. But it also sounds like "no va," which means "doesn't go" in Spanish (which it turns out was surprisingly accurate).

But there's a car with a worse (better) name: The Ford Escort. Naming your line of compact cars after hookers... that's a ballsy move, Mr. Ford. I wonder if maybe your great-grandfather actually wanted to name his first car the "Topless Model-A."

Who cares about gas mileage;
I want a car named after a call girl.
I want a car that charges money for sex.
I want a car I'm embarrassed to bring home to meet my parents.
I want a Ford Escort.

And I want it in the worst way.