The Alumni magazine

So the graduate school Gal and I attend (reluctantly, mind you) is semi-prestigious (according to some sources). The school takes pride in this semi-prestige, mainly because it allows them greater pull when hitting up the alumni for donations (which is something that once I'm an alumnus I will never give in to).

Part of their strategy for procuring the chedda' from rich graduates is to print up a bi-monthly magazine about recent happenings in the school. The compilers of this rag lean heavily on two main sources for material- they like to open the magazine with a list of student accomplishments, and close with a list of donors and the amount of their donations (using their readerships' propensity towards competing with each other, brilliant).

In the most recent issue the list of student achievements tragically omits the black-face scandal that hit the school in September (yes, a student actually came to school in blackface, and not in an ironic nor protesting manner- he was into it.). But it does highlight a few of the summer feats of my peers.

One of those featured students is a fucking toad. I mean that literally; he looks like he was the spawn produced by an unfortunate e-harmony pairing of Kermit the Frog and Professor Umbridge. But over the summer he got some fancy bullshit job because his parents are loaded (again, I mean that literally- fucking drunks. But rich, too) and so now the magazine wants him prominently featured.

That's the extent of my knowledge of this particular person, except for one other thing. Last spring during finals week my neighbor was making small talk with me, and happened to mention that while he was in the engineering library some damn law student was walking around asking people if he could buy any adderall from them. He then went on to describe the odd appearance of this person, noting his strange proportions. I asked if perhaps this mystery slimeball looked like a giant baby, or perhaps a toad. My neighbor confirmed this diagnosis as being "eerily accurate."

Yes, he was cold-calling strangers for unprescribed children's ADD medication. Why don't they put that in the magazine? Or at least a picture of him sitting on his lilypad.

These are my peers, and why I hate school (one of the reasons anyway).